* Below this post is an update that is most fortunate.
Deviate from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable. – and there is a picture of little Rudolf the Reindeer. Nobody liked him until they could use his special talents, and then they loved him.
I had two shows this year, both of which were wildly unsuccessful. They were a bit of work, but I am seasoned and organized and planned them smoothly without a hitch. Being a bomb was not a problem, nor was all the work and planning. What turned out to be a problem was quite unexpected and very very hurtful to me because I do not know how to mitigate it inside of me. What hurt so much was the banishment and ‘cease and desist your artistic activities’ that I received from my corporate employer.
The day before the first show and the day after the second show, I was called into my managers office and dressed down. The second time it was in writing. “Performance in the areas mentioned on this form dips when taking on large projects on your own time. This occurred during both of the last two art shows you put on. Seems that this stress may also leading to negative interactions with co-workers”
The bottom line is, what is not understood will be used against you by people of different minds. If there is another agenda, then something like the uniqueness of my talent will be used as a tool against me. I was told that many in management have said the same, but I am perplexed but where else would these people get this idea if someone had not planted this seed and said it is so? And if all those that are in power are in unison and don’t want to admit that they have made a mistake and are being petty, where else is my recourse. It isn’t this one issue, but rather a cascade of events that has led me to this and no matter how much I try to clean this up, this one person keeps trying to bury me to hide his own discourse.
What can I do? Find other employment. No other recourse. In the meantime, I feel completely bullied for being of uniqueness in a field of cows. I fear letting anyone know this side of me, once again. It took me so long to stand up and say, ‘I am here’ and now I am back in hiding again. All I want to do is paint anyways, and critics and everyone else be damned. So many times I want to torch the whole lot of it like I did with my sculptures because it just seems of no use. For now, my work stays in a covered pile of obscurity.
**Update. It has been over two years and since that time, shortly after this post I was fired "without cause". I demanded the reason and it was given that my outside activity of creating art was the reason. How very lame. The following Monday, the manager had brought in, already hired, his friend who was grossly under qualified and without the professional credentials or experience that I had. It gave me pleasure to see that within 4 months, the entire production was shut down because of their incompetence.
That is not the good news. The universe sent me on my artistic path and I have never been happier. Two gentlemen had a video production company and asked me to partner in and run it. I am now being highly creative and using all of my skills. I have never looked back with anger but am finally where I should be and looking forward to what else comes my way.
I will not feel sorry for myself. I will just paint. Let haters be.